Mayberry Musings

The Andy Griffith Show Quotation Quiz

 

       How big of an Andy Griffith Show fan are you? Take this quiz and find out.

    Can you identify who says each of the following, to whom, or the context?

 

     1. The only way you’ll catch Old Sam (the elusive fish) is if he comes in here for a shave and a haircut. 

     2. There’s one thing for sure: You’ll never catch him (the elusive fish). And you know why? To catch Old Sam, you gotta be smarter than he is. 

     3. Boy, you wouldn’t notice a muddy elephant in the snow, would ya?

     4. That ain't fair; her hittin' first and explainin' the rules after.

     5. Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor! Repeat! Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor!

     6. What's small potatoes to some folks can be mighty important to others.

     7. Well if it isn’t Marshall Matt Dillion! Where’s Chester?

     8. I’m sick of the whole thing, too. You try to bring two people together and what do you get? Heartaches! . . . . (Later) A man spends money gettin’ his suit spotted and pressed takes two hours polishing his hat, and for what? Heartaches!

     9. Just who do you think you are, anyway, Mayberry's answer to Cary Grant?

     10. Ain’t that great, Andy? How do you do it? Let me try; Judy, Judy, I can’t do it. Andy, couldn’t you just swear it was Cary Grant standin’ right before you in this room?

     11. I take off on Cary Grant. Want to hear me do Cary Grant? . . . I can't do William Holden, but I can do Cary Grant. Judy. Judy. Judy.

     12. It’s guys like you that laughed at Edison, the Wright Brothers, Buzz Fluheart.

     13. How 'bout "Don't Hit Your Grandma with a Great Big Stick"? (as a suggestion for a wedding song)

     14. If there's anything that upsets me, it's having people say I'm sensitive.

     15. Aww, he's a pestilence and a pestilence will find you ... you just wait.

     16. You know that’s not as stupid as it looks, readin’ a day-old paper. I do it myself sometimes--kinda gives you a sense of power, don’t it? I mean knowing how everything’s gonna come out.

     17. If she’s such a great fisherman like you been telling me, how come she fishes with her bait out of the water?

     18. You’re almost as funny as Floyd, you know that? Why don’t you two team up and call yourselves Frick and Frack!

     19. This isn’t a living room. This is a combination closet, warehouse, wastepaper basket, and storeroom!

     20. Next time I want a haircut, I’m gonna stick my head in a pencil sharpener.

     21. This jail’s gettin’ to be as bad as home.

     22. Just what can you do with a grown woman?

     23. You made an illegal u-turn YOURSELF! You’re breakin’ the law, and so I, as a responsible person, need to arrest you! Citizen’s arrest! Citizen’s arrest!

     24. And you figure somebody here in town is his contact, and maybe between ’em they’re tryin’ to figure out some of our secrets, like h-how we make possum pie, or how me make turnip jam… Laaa-aaaw! You DON’T reckin’ he’s here snoopin’ around tryin’ to find out how we make fried chicken and johnnycake, do you?

     25. All I gotta do is sweet-talk her – and I’ve seen just enough Rock Hudson pictures to know how to do that.

     26. Hey, you take a purty good picture, Barn! Me, I never do.

     27. I’m speakin’ now so’s I won’t have to forever hold my peace.

     28. How dare you think I’d wanna marry you?  . . . let me tell you something, you big, brave hero – I wouldn’t go to the dance with you if you were the last man on Earth, let alone marry you! Nor do I need your generous help in getting an escort. And just to prove it to you, I’m going to go with the first single, unattached man who comes through that door!

 

******************************

  

ANSWERS to the QUIZ

 

     1. The only way you’ll catch Old Sam (the elusive fish) is if he comes in here for a shave and a haircut. Goober talking to Floyd.

     2. There’s one thing for sure: You’ll never catch him (the elusive fish). And you know why? To catch Old Sam, you gotta be smarter than he is. Floyd talking to Goober.

     3. Boy, you wouldn’t notice a muddy elephant in the snow, would ya? Barney to Andy. 

     4. That ain't fair; her hittin' first and explainin' the rules after. Briscoe Darling about Aunt Bee, after she hit him with a spoon for putting his elbows on the table. Briscoe has “kidnapped” her for courting purposes. Aunt Bee retaliates by trying to teach him manners.

     5. Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor! Repeat! Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbor!  Barney preparing for the cave search.

     6. What's small potatoes to some folks can be mighty important to others. Andy in “The Pickle Story.” 

     7. Well if it isn’t Marshall Matt Dillion! Where’s Chester? Aunt Bee to Andy, while she’s “tiddly” from the medicine man’s 85% alcohol elixir. 

     8. I’m sick of the whole thing, too. You try to bring two people together and what do you get? Heartaches! . . . . (Later) A man spends money gettin’ his suit spotted and pressed takes two hours polishing his hat, and for what? Heartaches! Barney. 

     9. Just who do you think you are, anyway, Mayberry's answer to Cary Grant? Helen Crump to Andy, after a fight. 

     10. Ain’t that great, Andy? How do you do it? Let me try; Judy, Judy, I can’t do it. Andy, couldn’t you just swear it was Cary Grant standin’ right before you in this room? Gomer Pyle. 

     11. I take off on Cary Grant. Want to hear me do Cary Grant? . . . I can't do William Holden, but I can do Cary Grant. Judy. Judy. Judy. Goober Pyle to Andy. 

     12. It’s guys like you that laughed at Edison, the Wright Brothers, Buzz Fluheart. Barney. 

     13. How 'bout "Don't Hit Your Grandma with a Great Big Stick"? (as a suggestion for a wedding song) Briscoe Darling to Charlene.

     14. If there's anything that upsets me, it's having people say I'm sensitive. Barney. 

     15. Aww, he's a pestilence and a pestilence will find you ... you just wait. Dud Wash to Andy about Ernest T. Bass. (Dud courts and marries Charlene Darling.)

     16. You know that’s not as stupid as it looks, readin’ a day-old paper. I do it myself sometimes--kinda gives you a sense of power, don’t it? I mean knowing how everything’s gonna come out. Goober Pyle. 

     17. If she’s such a great fisherman like you been telling me, how come she fishes with her bait out of the water? Opie to Andy about Aunt Bee.

     18. You’re almost as funny as Floyd, you know that? Why don’t you two team up and call yourselves Frick and Frack! Barney. 

     19. This isn’t a living room. This is a combination closet, warehouse, wastepaper basket, and storeroom!  Aunt Bee to Andy and Opie after she returns from a trip. 

     20. Next time I want a haircut, I’m gonna stick my head in a pencil sharpener. Barney to Floyd, unhappy with his haircut. 

     21. This jail’s gettin’ to be as bad as home. Otis Campbell.

     22. Just what can you do with a grown woman? Opie when he has a crush on Thelma Lou. 

     23. You made an illegal u-turn YOURSELF! You’re breakin’ the law, and so I, as a responsible person, need to arrest you! Citizen’s arrest! Citizen’s arrest!  Gomer Pyle to Barney.

     24. And you figure somebody here in town is his contact, and maybe between ’em they’re tryin’ to figure out some of our secrets, like h-how we make possum pie, or how me make turnip jam… Laaa-aaaw! You DON’T reckin’ he’s here snoopin’ around tryin’ to find out how we make fried chicken and johnnycake, do you? Andy to Barney who’s thinks somebody’s a spy. 

     25. All I gotta do is sweet-talk her – and I’ve seen just enough Rock Hudson pictures to know how to do that. Barney.  

     26. Hey, you take a purty good picture, Barn! Me, I never do. Gomer Pyle to Barney after Barney accidentally takes a picture of himself instead of the robber.  

     27. I’m speakin’ now so’s I won’t have to forever hold my peace. Opie at a wedding.

     28. How dare you think I’d wanna marry you?  . . . let me tell you something, you big, brave hero – I wouldn’t go to the dance with you if you were the last man on Earth, let alone marry you! Nor do I need your generous help in getting an escort. And just to prove it to you, I’m going to go with the first single, unattached man who comes through that door!  Ellie Walker to Andy.